The Best Cooling Squishable

Hydrogen & oxygen! Birthdays & presents! Rainy days & twelve consecutive episodes of your favorite show about attractive vampires! Some things just go together. But there is one combination to which the rest of the pantheon of good combinations must bow down: Peanut Butter & Jelly! It’s all there: sweet meets salty, gooey meets…a different kind of gooey! And bread! Let’s not forget bread, for without it we would have to scoop it out of its sandwich bag with our hands. And that would waste a tremendous amount of P, B and/or J, and who wants that? Certainly not someone who can appreciate a great combo! Like you & this Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich! 18 squishy inches of fruit-legume-grain perfection. All new polyester fiber, ages 3 and up only! SAFETY NOTICE: Please do not cut off the crusts. We’re not that literal.

Walk or take my bike? Major in biomechanical nanomathgineering or picnic studies? Paper or plastic? I just can’t decide! In a world where choices manifest at every intersection and opportunity, it’s just so easy to…waffle! That’s where this particular Waffle comes in. For this Waffle does not waffle! It makes all decisions with the utmost confidence and resolve! YES, says the Waffle, I will spend all day reading a book in a sunny nook by the window! YES, I will slurp honey directly from the plastic bear! I will do all these things, and I won’t look back! Because I want to be as resolute as a Waffle, and because Waffles don’t have necks!

An adult male fox is a ‘Reynard’, a female is a ‘Vixen’, and a group of foxes is called a ‘skulk’, an ‘Earth’, or a ‘troop’ of foxes. All this just goes to show that people who make up labels are idiots, since none of these words even come close to the truth. A fox is awesome. A male fox is awesome, a female fox is awesome, and a group of foxes is just about the most awesome thing that could ever happen. No, foxes are so cute, I need a new label just to describe them. From now on, foxes are Awesomegreateriffic.

Did you know it takes 400 cocoa beans to make one pound of chocolate? Fact! Did you know it takes 5 rolls of fluff, 100 fairy hugs, 40 and bushels of sparkles to make a Chocolate Bar? Also fact! ! ! How else do you think this Comfort Food Chocolate Bar got so soft and snuggly? Run your fingers through its unmeltable, chocolately softness. Rest your head on its fluffy pink coat. Dream sweet, sugary dreams.

Giving advice is easy. Taking it is a lot harder! In fact, of all the virtues, “being a good listener” doesn’t get a whole lot of press. Mostly because good listeners are usually too busy listening stop the Presses! Alpacas are fantastic listeners, so they know good advice when they hear it! Check the batteries on your smoke alarm every year? That’s what those long necks are for! Always pack a sweater? But of course! Diversify your portfolio? I promise you will never see an alpaca with a non-diversified portfolio, because they know a good recommendation is worth listening to! It’s good advice to take good advice! Cuddle up with your alpaca and keep your ears open! 7 squishy inches of all-ears-paca. All new polyester fiber, ages 3 and up only!

Eggplants don’t look a lot like eggs, but perhaps back when this purple produce was first named, eggs were very different? Did giant, violet chickens roam the lands of Ancient Briton, bestowing farmers with plump, purple eggs that begged such comparisons? But no! The term, “eggplant,” comes from a distant cousin of the eggplant that incidentally looked a heckuva lot like, yes, an egg! And the vagaries of time and bad language translation did the rest. So the next time a curious shopper asks you why an eggplant is so-named, you can either give them a long, historical explanation, or regal them with the tales of giant purple chickens! Your choice!

The storm is raging above your house! Thunder thunders! Lightning lightnings! Rain rains! But not to worry, you’re warm and cozy, cuddled up under a comforter, sipping a mug of hot cocoa in front of a toasty fire! It might seem like this Storm Cloud would prefer to join his louder cousins outside, but no! He wants to snuggle up with you…and maybe share your cocoa! Truth!

What’s the best way to eat pancakes? It’s a debate throughout the ages. In the Great Syrup Skirmish of 1840, the Syrup-Soakers squared off against the Syrup-Savers in one of the stickiest squabbles ever seen. This was only later eclipsed by the Fruit-On-Top’s versus the Just-Butter’s contest that forever changed culinary culture. After the great truce between the great House Flapjack and House Hotcakes, a peace has settled over the land. A land where breakfast lovers are free to eat their pancakes however they please. In this exciting world of innovation, the only limit is how high your imagination and pancake stack can soar!

Gather around the campfire and I’ll tell you a scary story! Once upon a time, in this very forest, a Group of campers were very hungry! One brave outdoors-person tried roasting a marshmallow in the fire and sticking it together with chocolate and graham crackers into a gooey, fudgy, awesome sandwich! Lo and behold, it was delicious! So delicious that they didn’t just want more, they needed more! Spooky! Yes, their mouths were so full of melty, sweet goodness that they couldn’t convey their urgent cravings! “Some more!” They tried to say, but only the garbled “s’more” Came out! They traveled from campsite to campsite, but nobody could help because no one could understand what they were saying! It was years before someone decided to just call the concoction a “s’more”. If you listen very carefully you can still hear their happy munching to this very day! Oooooooooo!

Pineapples have nothing to do with pine trees, and they are very dissimilar to apples! We get it. Pineapples are so much more than just an inaccurate appellation! So what makes a pineapple a pineapple? Perhaps it’s their spiky exterior! Or their wonderfully sweet and loving fruit center! Or some combination thereof! Let’s get to know our friendly neighborhood Pineapple a little better! For example, did you know that Pineapples love hang gliding and spelunking?! Many of them are celebrated cobblers and watchmakers! When they’re not taking their private jets to go BASE jumping into an active volcano, they’re trying their hand at amateur rocketry or other fringe-science! So give a Pineapple a hug! Befriending a Pineapple will (probably) lead to wildly extravagant and over-the-top adventures! That are neither pine, nor apple-based! 15 squishy inches of ‘TOTALLY EXTREME.’ All new polyester fiber, ages 3 and up only!